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Paul, I would have a quiet word with Bernard about this Smuggler as I am sure Jennie is not too aware of its existence...

Antony, by the powers invested in me, I hereby promote you to the position of Crab Welfare Officer for this event, and all communication in this vein ought to be dealt with by you! You will of course be in charge of ensuring that all crabs are kept in humane conditions and that nobody of any size or age puts their feet on them thus causing their untimely demise. As far as certificates are concerned this will need to be handed over to the measurement committee of which I am not a member to see how things stand. My guess is that they will only allow the old blue certificates as hireable ones. In response to the bucket question, the kids will enjoy the clear plastic ones that are available from most places in Norfolk which should also satisfy the Welfare Officer's demands as well.

At long last the technical subcommittee has met and the rules for the First Annual Norfolk Week Crabbing Competition have been labouriously drawn up over many a long evening with the benefits of all participants and the Overy Staithe Harbour Trust in mind, and they are as follows:

• The entry fee shall be £1.00. No cheques please. Entries to be made to chalet C2 at Hunstanton from the Saturday morning of Norfolk Week. Entries will be allowed on the night.
• All competitors must show their certificate of National 12 ownership or be prepared to pay a forfeit (to be decided at a later date in a pub somewhere) before the competiton begins.
• No hooks shall be allowed on crab lines as this is aimed at the small people in the class. Words from on high have recommended that is anyone has bought a crab line with hooks that bags from washing powder can easily be subsitituted.
• No double bottomed buckets, no vintage buckets or wooden buckets will be allowed by order of the committee.
• Only bacon may be used as a bait. Vegetarians may ask for special dispensation from the organisers for alternative bait (to be found in chalet C2).
• Pre entires may be allowed in accordance with rule 1.
• There is no rule 1.
• Alcoholic bribes will be gratefully accepted.
• No sledging.
• Definitely no fish heads to be used as bait.
• Anyone caught torturing crabs or toher competitors will immediatley be disqualified and then tied to the lower part of the staithe with their crab lines. Any comfiscated fish heads or other bait will then be placed in the offenders underpants.
• Children and non swimmers should be encouraged to wear buoyancy aids.
• Waterpistols will only be allowed by the organisers in order to reprimand miscreants.
• Discounted entry fees will be allowed by members of the Red Car Society

PS a red car has been seen at Blakeney
See you all at Norfolk